Showing posts with label Understanding Adoption. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Understanding Adoption. Show all posts

Monday, April 22, 2013

The Language of Adoption: What to Say and What NOT to Say!

I recently stumbled across this on icareaboutorphans.org (branched from Focus on the Family) and it was too good to not share!  I still clearly remember the first time when someone -a classmate in the first grade- said to me, "So, you don't live with your real parents?"  Okay, grace on a first-grader, but twenty years later, people of all ages continue to ask if I know my "real parents," if I resent my birth mother for "giving me away," or if my brother is adopted or if he is my "parents' own child."  Even well-intentioned media, such as the movie, "October Baby," is guilty of using such terminology.  To be quite frank, it makes my blood boil every time I hear such careless talk- children who were adopted come from all kinds of different backgrounds, and some may already be battling the lies that they were unwanted or that they will never be part of a "real" family.  Please be aware of the language you use when discussing adoption with anyone!

Correct/Accurate Adoption Terminology*

Incorrect
Accurate
Real Parent/natural parent
Birthparent
Real mom/real dad
Birthmother/birthfather
Adoptive parent/adoptive mom/adoptive dad
Parents/mom/dad
Adopted child/own child

My child
Giving away/relinquishing/putting up for adoption/put up
Making an adoption plan
Keeping the baby
Deciding to parent
Foster child
Child in foster care
Adoptable/eligible/available
Waiting or child in need of a family
Child of their own (very offensive)
Birth child
Foreign adoption
International adoption
Is adopted
WAS adopted
Adopted OUT
Made an adoption plan

Real (blood) relative
Birth relative
Raped
Sexually assaulted or sexually abused
Beaten/hit
Physically abused
Adopted OUT OF the foster care system
Adopted through or from the foster care system
Normal child
Typically developing child


Taken from icareaboutorphans.org

Adapted from the National Council for Adoption


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Friday, March 15, 2013

The "Adoption vs. Humanitarian Work" Debate

In my ventures advocating for adoption, this is a debate that I encounter: "Is adoption of orphans really an effective way to make a difference?  Shouldn't we be more focused on humanitarian work that eliminates the orphan crisis at it's roots?"

I guess I can understand where some people get this mindset from.  Throughout American history, there are repeated examples of the "our way is the right way" attitude.  Americans have tried to "fix" other cultures by forcing their own culture upon people who are different.  Is this what happens with international adoption?  Do we see ourselves as the heroes that "rescue" these children from their host cultures?

Anyone who has been through the adoption process will tell you about the extreme scrutinization of every aspect of their lives, the grueling mounds of paperwork, the mounting expenses, and the emotional roller coaster that they face.  With maybe a few exceptions, the only parents who make it through the process are the ones who are driven by love for a child, not by their own desire to be a "hero."  I'm not talking about individual families here; I'm talking about the United States or other big "adoption" countries as a whole society.  Of course we can't allow ourselves to believe that we are the "good" nation sent to save the rest of the world (keep in mind, you don't have to travel overseas to meet a child who is considered an "orphan"!), and our priority cannot be "Bring Every Orphan in the World to the United States."

The orphan crisis is a symptom of many, many other problems that need to be fixed.  Women give birth to children they cannot raise because they are victims of rape or human trafficking.  Children are orphaned when their parents die of diseases that could easily be prevented or treated, but medical treatment wasn't available.   In places where poverty and illiteracy are extreme, parents may be tricked into signing away parental rights or encouraged to send their children away "temporarily, so they can work and earn money," so that money can be made from the adoption process.  Until we fix these roots of the problem, the orphan crisis will only continue.  Some countries have an age limit as low as 14 for providing care for orphans, due to lack of space or resources.  Children who are sent away from orphanages as teenagers, with no place to go, often see no other option but to use crime or prostitution as a means to survive, and some will become birth parents of a new generation of orphans.

Humanitarian work absolutely plays a vital role in fighting the orphan crisis.  Organizations such as Amazima Ministries, the International Justice Mission, and Compassion International all fight issues such as poverty, lack of education, and human trafficking.  As these issues are tackled, the hope is that families will be able to raise their children in healthy, stables homes in their native countries and cultures.

However, that's not to say that humanitarian work is the only solution to the problem.  Finding the cure for cancer would be a great accomplishment that would benefit millions of people, but that doesn't mean we can forget about those who are already in need of cancer treatment in the name of freeing more money and people for cancer research.  The same principle holds true for the global orphan crisis.  Even if every humanitarian issue could be resolved by tomorrow morning, there would still be an estimated 153 billion children around the world without families.  We cannot ignore these children in the name of freeing up time, money, people, or resources for humanitarian work.  Some may focus on one over the other, but that does not mean humanitarian workers and adoption advocates are arch rivals.  Our lines of work may be different, but our goal is common: to ensure that, throughout the entire world, every child has a family that can provide for him or her in every aspect- physical, emotional, spiritual, educational.   This is what every child deserves!!