Voices of Adoption: Not Perfect, But Willing

Adoption was an idea that Rhonda and her husband, Dave, had always been open to, but it was a "someday" possibility for them.  After God gave them five biological children in a little under eight years, Rhonda (formerly a math teacher and now a stay-at-home mom) and Dave, a pediatrician, thought that God had removed them from the pool of possible adoptive parents.  However, in April of 2012,  "God broke our hearts suddenly and passionately for orphans," Rhonda recalls.  "He took us from 'someday' to 'NOW!' in a matter of months."

At first, Rhonda almost felt mad.  "I really like my life the way it is," she says.  With children aged 10, 8, 6, 4, and 2, she feared she would have to choose between disobeying God's call and wondering what might have been, or obeying and sending her family through turmoil as they took on the adoption process.  "Very crucial in our decision-making process was a sermon on Nehemiah's journey from his comfortable life in the king's palace, to a mission that God gave him that was very uncomfortable and unexpected and for which he felt extremely unqualified (rebuilding the wall of Jerusalem); yet God used his willingness to obey for His own sovereign purposes," says Rhonda.  "Over the last year, God has gently re-framed my thinking, and now, even though there will of course be hard times, I view His calling as a blessing and a joy!"

Another significant moment occurred during Rhonda's personal quiet time with the Lord.  "In one of my quiet times as we were in the very beginning stages, I was reading in Mark about Jesus instructing the disciples to make preparations for the Passover meal. . . Follow this one guy, go here, talk to this man, say this. . . and he will lead you to an upper room 'furnished and ready'. The Holy Spirit spoke to my heart SO clearly when I read that specific phrase, furnished and ready - that our family was in the menial tangible beginning steps right now (the following, going, saying - like the disciples - in doing all our adoption paper work and home study and preparations) . . . but how much MORE was the LORD doing behind the scenes?!  And that someday it would all open up and we'd be able to see what he had "furnished and ready" for our family."

Rhonda and Dave decided to request a girl younger than their youngest child, since their children were all so close together already.  They felt specifically called to pursue special-needs adoption and to care for "the least of these"- children who might otherwise not be chosen.  They chose to adopt from China, as Dave had several patients adopted from China, and he had been able to be a part of their journeys and connect with them.  While some countries require adoptive parents to make two trips, China only requires one, which was important to Rhonda and Dave as they tried to arrange childcare for their other five children.  

Now, Rhonda and Dave hope to bring home their two-year-old daughter with special needs from China in the fall.  She has a heart malformation and significant delays, of which they won't know the extent until she is home.  They are told that she is operating at an 8-9 month level right now.

When they received their first picture of their daughter, Rhonda remembers, "My first cognizant thought was, 'He had no form or majesty that we should look at Him, no beauty that we should desire Him...'  [Isaiah 53:2]  I'm not kidding, that was the FIRST thing that came into my mind, and it kind of surprised me.  She had kind of a vacant look in her eyes, very wispy hair sticking out every where...But I knew it was right.  I knew we had been lead to her.  I now find her irresistibly cute and cannot wait to nuzzle her cheeks!  With every new picture and video clip that we get, it seems more and more real and she feels more and more 'ours,' but I don't know if the visceral mother's love will kick in until I'm holding her and with her and am her source of love and protection for a few days.  It was the same way with my newborns in the hospital, too- I needed a few days to really feel like they are 'mine' and let it all sink in!"  She adds, "I miss her greatly- crazy to miss someone you've never met!"

The hardest part of the adoption process so far, according to Rhonda, was deciding what to tell friends and family, and "wondering if they were going to think we are crazy...which, I think some of them still do!"

To anyone considering adoption, Rhonda advises: "Bathe the whole experience in prayer, together with your spouses, children, and individually.  Remember that God doesn't use perfect people; He uses willing people!"
She adds, "And be patient!  It is a looooong process!"

When asked how readers can help Rhonda and her family, she replies, "We would love prayers for all the coming transitions for each one of us, that our daughter, MaeLynn, won't be scared by all these new experiences happening to her, and especially that God would be preparing her heart to be loved by a family!"

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Take That Leap of Faith: Angela's Story

Angela already had her hands full with four children and a fifth on the way, but she didn't let that stop God from breaking her heart for orphans in Eastern Europe.  When a friend told her about a short-term orphan hosting program, Angela signed up to view the pictures of children available for hosting.  One picture, of two lovely teenaged twins, stood out to her.  Angela recalls: "I was intrigued by the whole program and thought how awesome it would be. It was something about these girls that lured me in. I started praying for these girls. I had called and asked about the program and was told we were too young to adopt these girls (per Latvian law) and I probably couldn't host either."

Initially, she and her husband let the idea go...but Angela couldn't stop thinking about the two girls.  She prayed furiously for the next several months, and eventually learned that she and her husband could host the two girls for Christmas, and could advocate for an eligible family to adopt them.  They sent in the payment to host, ecstatic that the girls would be joining their family for a short time.  Then, the unexpected happened.  Two days later, Angela received a phone call that another woman wanted to host the twins, and adopt them (which she was old enough to do).  The girls would turn 16 and become unadoptable soon, but this woman had her paperwork ready and would be able to offer them a home before their deadline. "My heart broke. I cried. and cried. and cried," says Angela.  "I was SOOOO happy for the girls. But so sad. I thought God was using ME to help these girls. Little did I know that all he asked of me was to PRAY for them. I prayed so fervently that they would find a forever family. And they did- within 2 days!"

Despite the curveball they had just received, Angela knew God wanted her to be involved in hosting in some way.  She continued to view photolistings and fell in love with another little girl, but, again, God closed the door by sending her to another family.  Angela went to bed that night feeling sad and wondering if perhaps she wasn't supposed to host after all.  But, after waking up at 4am and finding herself unable to fall back to sleep, she checked her email and discovered a new email from the program coordinator.  Two nine-year-old girls had just been listed, and the coordinator was willing to give Angela first priority to host them. "I called my husband, who had left early for work. He was super excited as they were young enough that we COULD potentially adopt them. We decided that this was our chance. Two cute little twin girls. I got my twins after all!" she says.

Once the initial hosting was finalized, the whirlwind of preparations began. "We had to switch around the bedrooms that our children were in to make way," Angela recalls. "We needed beds, bedding, clothing, suitcases. We were donated almost all of this stuff. We could make the funds work, but wanted to do a fundraiser to help the cost a bit. We had lots of friends get together one night and had a craft night making items to sell at a fundraiser. We also had several people donate baked goods to sell at the fundraiser."

Finally, the day of the girls' arrival came.  As she watched the two little girls come of the plane, Angela remembers, "I'm pretty sure I didn't stop smiling for a very long time. They were smiling...and crying. I felt so much love for these poor little girls who had traveled for 2 days just to come see us. I didn't know if we should try to hug them or not. One of the girls came straight towards me, the other to my husband and they wanted big hugs right away. One also kissed me on the cheek and spoke to me in Russian. I had no idea what she was saying besides Mama and Papa. They were smiling, and crying, and laughing. I felt happy."

Angela would never claim that it was a bed of roses from that point on.  "Some of the hard things were 1) Not understanding what they were saying- we did use google translate but since they do not spell well in their own language, google translate couldn't help us much at all. The girls would get frustrated when we couldn't understand them some times. 2) We had some [of our biological] kids feeling left out when the girls would play with some and not the others. And by the end the kids were fighting like regular old siblings so we had a few spats between the kids. It was kind of hard to help when we couldn't explain to the girls what was going on-since they don't speak English."

However, when asked what made the entire experience worth it, she says, "The moments when we COULD understand them. The gestures that you don't NEED language for. The love they gave us. They wanted hugs and kisses. They just wanted someone to love them. When we would get google translate to work and we could talk with them a little bit about their past. You hear why they are where they are, and your heart breaks for these little girls who have experiences so much pain and hurt. The love I felt for them at those moments, how I just wanted to hug them and let them know someone loves them-those times made everything worth it."

She says the hardest day for both her and her husband was the day the girls had to return home. "My husband had to take the girls back to the plane by himself because of our youngest child's health.  I couldn't go with. I would say that would have been the hardest thing- to put them on a plane and watch them go," she says.  "For me, one of the hardest things was the morning they got up, packed all their stuff, put it all in the car, and had to say goodbye. I listened to Christian music and felt sad all day long. That was hard."

Even so, Angela and her family have no regrets in their choice to open their home and their hearts to these two little girls, and are excited to see how God will use this experience to shape all of their futures. To families considering hosting, she shares this wisdom: "You won't be the same afterwards. There will be a little piece of the kids left with you after they go home. Your heart will always hold a space for them. Your heart will grow to love that extra child or children...my words of advice...GO FOR IT. Take that leap of faith and see what happens."

For more information about hosting, visit http://www.newhorizonsforchildren.org, or check out their facebook page.




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