The Language of Adoption: What to Say and What NOT to Say!

I recently stumbled across this on icareaboutorphans.org (branched from Focus on the Family) and it was too good to not share!  I still clearly remember the first time when someone -a classmate in the first grade- said to me, "So, you don't live with your real parents?"  Okay, grace on a first-grader, but twenty years later, people of all ages continue to ask if I know my "real parents," if I resent my birth mother for "giving me away," or if my brother is adopted or if he is my "parents' own child."  Even well-intentioned media, such as the movie, "October Baby," is guilty of using such terminology.  To be quite frank, it makes my blood boil every time I hear such careless talk- children who were adopted come from all kinds of different backgrounds, and some may already be battling the lies that they were unwanted or that they will never be part of a "real" family.  Please be aware of the language you use when discussing adoption with anyone!

Correct/Accurate Adoption Terminology*
Incorrect	Accurate
Real Parent/natural parent	Birthparent
Real mom/real dad	Birthmother/birthfather
Adoptive parent/adoptive mom/adoptive dad	Parents/mom/dad
Adopted child/own child	My child
Giving away/relinquishing/putting up for adoption/put up	Making an adoption plan
Keeping the baby	Deciding to parent
Foster child	Child in foster care
Adoptable/eligible/available	Waiting or child in need of a family
Child of their own (very offensive)	Birth child
Foreign adoption	International adoption
Is adopted	WAS adopted
Adopted OUT	Made an adoption plan
Real (blood) relative	Birth relative
Raped	Sexually assaulted or sexually abused
Beaten/hit	Physically abused
Adopted OUT OF the foster care system	Adopted through or from the foster care system
Normal child	Typically developing child

Taken from icareaboutorphans.org

Adapted from the National Council for Adoption


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